Honey, shall we spring clean sex?


Hands up please if you are married and has regular sex with your spouse. By regular, I mean twice weekly at least.

Marriage and sex.

Intimacy is a beautiful way of expressing love between married couples but there are many out there who are stuck in the rut of sexless marriage or not getting enough of it. Having been married before, I know that there are occasional obstacles to intimacy between a husband and wife. Nonetheless, a passionless marriage is no fun at all and requires effort and commitment to get the spark back otherwise things may start to go downhill.
I have met many married women who have gone without sex for..Wait for it.. a month to six months! I know some of you may think nothing of it but as a passionate woman (which I am), sexless marriage would wind me up so much that all Buckinghamshire would hear me rattle big time. Seriously, I have never faked a headache during precious intimate time; it baffles me when some married women do that. Being intimate with a spouse may not always involve taking your clothes off but you must make special time for each other. Early marital sex is always exciting and spontaneous but as time goes by, things may start to cool off. Other pressures such as kids, work and financial pressures may get in the way. However, you owe it to yourselves to keep the ‘fire burning’.
Those who are still getting busy under the sheets regularly even after the honeymoon periods are very rare and I dare to say, extremely lucky. The other day while I was shopping, I spotted a couple, who were probably in their mid 60s or even older; buying packs of condoms!… you know, a whole-sale pack, which means a lot of condoms. Instead of searching desperately for the nearest vomit bucket, I thought ”bloody well done to you two” as I walked past them in great admiration for their sexual confidence. I bet the wife is not allowing menopause get in the way. Talk about menopause; I have that to look forward to (vaginal dryness is definitely not well suited for a passionate woman).
If you have a problem with sexual intimacy within your marriage, ask yourself what you can do to bring back the spark and search through your relationship for underlying reasons as to why this situation may have occurred.
Communication, compassion and empathy are key elements shared between two loving partners, which will facilitate a positive change within a relationship. Having identified some issues, both of you may need to change all the negatives into positives and learn to deal with life together after all you are in it forever.
Lack of sex in a marriage may not always spell doom as long as the root of the problem is identified and dealt with effectively. Physical and Psychological factors can cause sexual problems. Other factors may include adverse effect of some medications e.g. antidepressants, Sexual disorders such as Vaginismus and dyspareunia in women have been known to affect an individual’s sexual function. More so, some medical conditions such as high blood pressure and diabetes can cause erectile dysfunction in men due to low blood supply into the arteries. Evidently, regular exercises and healthy eating boosts sexual function. I believe that the more intimate couples are, the closer they grow.

On that note, I shall grab my Nike running shoes and do a ferocious 5k ….. And to you married people, get under those sheets and get your groove on…you are entitled!

Have a great weekend.
Jane xx

photo credit: Millzero Photography via photopin

6 Replies to “Honey, shall we spring clean sex?”

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