I have talked very openly about my celibacy as a huge drive in my spiritual growth and even left myself vulnerable to self-righteous religious folks to criticise and devour every time I acted normal . And oh! What’s normal? Erm… you know like a little cheeky adult jokes or even thinking that Dev Patel is in fact a total hot stuff! (Boy! has he taken us all by surprise, I nearly fell off my chair when I saw his photo on E News Instagram page last Saturday. Without thinking anything of it at all, I reposted Dev’s gorgeous photo on my Facebook page and titled “let me get my coffee and digest how hot Dev Patel looks right now” Although others appreciated my post, I got slam dunked by another christian lady for calling Dev Patel hot. She mocked my celibacy, called me lustful and clueless. Although I tried to defend myself, I honestly felt attacked by her. Note that at no point did I have any sexual thoughts about this celebrity as I am fully aware of the difference between lust and innocent admiration of beauty in another human. I didn’t think I offended God or any other Christian with my post and I tried to point that out to her but she wasn’t going to budge at all. Nonetheless, that hasn’t changed the fact that Dev Patel may knock Idris Elba off my hot stuff chart. I want to be normal and still stay obedient to God.
Right! Moving on…
I didn’t want to keep my celibacy private at all. I wanted to share my experience with others and be as honest and as normal as possible about it. I felt that other people especially soul-searching single mothers like myself may actually benefit from my journey either by being encouraged towards their Christian walks or towards their self-healing journey. I also wanted to find my tribe and it’s happening!(Hurray!)
Watch my video
I did not decide to stop having sex because my sexual experience became bad all of a sudden or something like that, in fact on the contrary, my sex drive became higher than normal since my late 30s and I took good advantage of that but I noticed that it didn’t matter how great sex with a loving partner was, my soul was left empty and Spirit seeking desperately for a divine connection.
I didn’t understand why at the time and when I spoke to my best friend who is also celibate and spiritually intelligent , she told me that I had always been a little strange spiritually since University and she felt God was calling me to a purpose. Then she went ahead and bluntly said to me “Sex is an obstacle to that call isn’t it?” I was shocked! She nailed it! Although I loved God and craved His presence I also wanted to satisfy my flesh. I would even argue why He (God) created me so sexual and why did He allow my marriage to fail if I couldn’t enjoy sex unmarried? I queried God and avoided Him a bit for many years until few months ago when I laid my load down and decided to become celibate. So far my journey is beautiful but tough, I have had moments my thoughts were flooded by sex and my body craved intimacy but I kept pushing through and avoiding temptations.
Watch video here
I now believe strongly that I have been called to obedience by God Himself because giving up sex was a big ask for someone like me. I honestly feel blessed and privileged by it all despite my occasional struggles.
Being Celibate isn’t to win God over for something special because even in my fornication and adultery (occasional) God still blessed me and provided for me. My celibacy is obedience to God and a gift to my soul until remarriage (if it’s the will of God)
Stay strong and stay beautiful:-)